Behind as ever because of movies and superhero feelings, but:
COMMUNITY: OK, I admit I didn't get it until I saw the gifset, but Troy asking about Starburns' creepy one-armed "lawyer" was totally a reference to DarkestTimeline!Jeff, which is about the funniest shit I've ever heard. Also, can we have Dean Pelton Remixes every week? Please? "As of this moment, I am stapl-liiiing!" Glorious. And I still prefer Jeff/Britta and Annie/Troy, but damned if that "you're not the worst, you're the best" didn't make me squee. Stupid show confusing my feelings! But--they're all expelled?! Is this actually going to be a thing?! I guess so; this show is in love with continuity. Well, shit.
"I LOST! MY DAMN! ARM!" oh god I love that ep so much
SUPERNATURAL: I legit do not know what to feel about this episode. My brain is so wrinkled. ALL I'VE WANTED this season is moar Cas, and he's back, but he's different!Cas. But he's not Jimmy!Cas or God!Cas (though I enjoyed the Dogma ref) or Leviathan!Cas or 2014!Cas [oh god, my FutureCas feelings] and I just DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK. Again, Tumblr had to point it out to me--he was basically River Tam, with all the "I watch the bees" and "they can only think in ovals" (HA!). And I think I'm kinda OK with that, but...are they just gonna turn around and kill him off again? Because he's still just a special guest star (WHY) and I have a very bad feeling that they will. But I want him to stay. And honestly, Meg can stay too. I still prefer 1.0 to 2.0, but I like her snarky dynamic with the boys and if next season was The Dean/Sam/Cas/Meg Show, that would totally make up for this baffling year and make me extremely happy. I highly doubt that'll happen, but a girl can dream. Just...que.
ONCE UPON A TIME: OH SHIT @ that ending! (I would've eaten it too, poison or no. And not to prove a point or to save my true love, but just because I really, really, really like apple turnovers. Sorry 'bout it.) I feel like it's worth noting that Regina's nightmare was about herself being defeated, not about Henry being taken or hurt--I think she's grown to really care about him, but ultimately she loves herself more & Emma truly loves him as a mother. ALSO JEFFERSON--I have even moar Jefferson feels since watching Captain America again last week [shut up; it makes sense] and when he flashed that quick grin at Regina I literally squealed "oh!" and clutched at my necklace. CAN'T DEAL WITH IT. Is he supposed to have weird/awesome sexual tension with everyone...? Because he does. And so, OK, Regina knows about Belle but knows that Rumple doesn't know, and she doesn't know about his son...? Very conflicting motivations there. Well, I highly doubt they'll kill Henry, but it seems like Emma's gotta believe now (right?), so next week will be fun indeed.
there should be a surgeon general's warning for your face skdfjskdlssdl;fl
GAME OF THRONES: Um...I...huh. Very mixed feelings about this here ep. I've read ACoK, of course, but it was a while ago and my memory is bad, apparently, and so I spent half the episode going "did that happen in the book?!" And for the most part, it didn't: adding a near-rape for Sansa was disturbing on a number of levels--I liked the Tyrion/Joffrey bit (Joffrey getting slapped is always OK with me) and Sandor saving her was a nice bit of development for him, though are the writers, like, shippers? I get that ship, but I really can't get down with it. I want something a little nicer for her. I also adored the all-too-brief Sansa/Shae almost-friendship moment, but really, that scene was harrowing as fuck and went on too long, yet again. And WHAT THE HELL at Dany's khalasar and Irri getting killed and the dragons being stolen?! THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN and that's a huge thing to add; jfc. Very weird and uncool and I don't like it. And she's really "Talisa"? I assumed she was just Jeyne and lying for whatever reason, but...no? Hurm. Jon/Ygritte was pretty awesome, though I was sad she didn't say "you know nothing" (I kept waiting!) and I loved all the Arya/Littlefinger/Tywin stuff, though they're really kinda making Tywin too likable. He, like, weirdly respects Arya too much, and she's such a fave. I think he's gonna have to do something bad to her to make us hate him properly. And I am ded forever @ Jaqen's sassy faces and the surprising comedy moment of Amory dropping dead in Tywin's doorway, heh. But WOW, the Theon wank is epic. People despise him now, it seems. Whereas that whole thing made me feel horribly sad for him. His face at "did you always hate us?" and his look of shock when the guy tells him to kill Luwin and just...everything. This is a really fucked-up, conflicted guy, and Alfie's actually kinda killing that material, imo. Bran was breaking my heart when he was pleading with him (especially the "I'll do anything," oh my god), and OF COURSE Theon had to completely fail at beheading, but his look of blank horror as he hacked his head off was just gutting to me. I'm no stan, but geez, he's a pretty pitiful guy and all the maniacal hate is annoying me. He's getting really interesting and I hate that people are just signing off on him because he's done some horrible shit...though I guess it's refreshing to see people being this unforgiving to a male character. >____> Oh well. I can't even imagine what people are gonna say when [Spoiler (click to open)]it looks as though he's killed Bran and Rickon, especially since I bet they'll really draw that out. Also, WHY ARE PEOPLE OBJECTING TO NAKED TONKS?! That was pretty sudden, but not very gratuitous, for HBO, and goddamn, she's hot. Let's remember our priorities.
(ffs, look at him. He's truly lost and we're not supposed to LIKE him-like him, but he's not just a straight-up uncaring sociopath like Joffrey. ...At least, I don't think so. Sheesh. I blame Balon. Dick.)
THE BORGIAS: Really?! REALLY, SHOWTIME?? I ask for backstory on our mysterious, homoerotic assassin and you give me ACTUAL (and fairly graphic!) HOMOSEXUAL CONTENT?! Is it my birthday? Am I dying? EITHER WAY, HUZZAR. Didn't see that coming, but it was nice! Man, people complain about GoT sometimes, but you can't say this show doesn't have equal-opportunity nudity. This was, like, Naked Italian Boys Hour. deanwinchesterapprovingnod.gif Micholotto's mama was surprisingly delightful, as was Cesare's utterly blasé reaction to his saying that he killed his father (...sure), though were we supposed to think he & that dude were related? Eh, well. Wouldn't shock me. I was waiting for that guy to mention Cesare or be jealous of his ~devotion to him or something, honestly. Shame. Caterina was awesome, though I can't believe Cesare thought that would end well. LOVE the ladygang of Lucrezia, Giulia and Vanozza; I really hope that continues. And wow @ that ending--Giovanni had that coming, but damn, Cesare, you could be a little neater. This ain't A Prophet. And then lightning! Literal Deus ex Machina! Not subtle, God, not subtle at all. But it was nice to see Rodrigo actually freaking out and caring about the little altar boy, awww. This will probably make him insufferably sanctimonious, but still, feelings are good.
SMASH: So, OK, did Dev & Ivy recognize each other? Because that was very ambiguous. I assume that whole thing will blow up horribly next week, which is very annoying because we FINALLY got some nice Ivy/Karen friendship in there. I liked the new song rather a lot, though hearing Rebecca's "Secondhand White Baby Grand" just emphasized the utter ridiculousness of Ivy not having the role. And her just choosing to leave the show was so anticlimactic and ironically similar to the downer ending of Bombshell itself that I'd think it was on purpose if I didn't know better. Like, I knew she wasn't staying, but I thought she'd be forced out in some much more insane fashion rather than just "I have stage fright." Sheesh. Peanut stage fright. Michael is still Yawnsville and Julia still sucks for getting mad at everyone for bringing him back, though the fight with Tom really got to me personally for obvs hag reasons. But at least they made up. And Anjelica Huston got a song!! That was so sweet and perfectly underplayed; I still adore her/Nick. (Who broke his arm, though? Geez. Was it Manny?) And Sam got a song too! Yay! He has a lovely voice. I was DYING of laughter at the dorky white people, especially Julia's family, bopping and amen-ing along in the Baptist church. Heh. And does Eileen awesomely fire Ellis next week?! PRAISE JESUS INDEED
GLEE: OK, I am not going to rant about the staggering offensiveness of "Choke" and how the show has gone from fun to corny to preachy to downright socially irresponsible, because The AV Club already did an absolutely fantastic job of articulating the problems with the episode, and I cannot do better at all. To wit: "The show thinks it’s a sweet, satirical comedy, but it also thinks it’s the most important TV series to ever have aired. There’s not a lot of room to move between those two poles, and the more the show attempts to, the more its tone problems arise." ACCURATE. Cripes. I really am breaking up with this show after this season. I swear. And tonight was pretty hilarious--I didn't think Finn could top himself in the douche department after outing Santana, but trying to PULL QUINN OUT OF HER WHEELCHAIR might have done it. And I'm sorry, but I LOVE Darren's curls. He looks infinitely better au natural and I support a lifelong gel ban, tbh. Pressed @ no real Brittana at prom, but I'm LOVING all the Hummelberry lately. ♥ Also, I'm calling it: Faberry will be canon by next season. They will just pander to the fans and make that a thing. And next week--two hours? I'm taking suggestions on what flavor of schnapps I should buy. Ideas? (And I was hoping to go my entire life without hearing a One Direction or a Selena Gomez song, but apparently I failed at both of those things tonight without realizing. I feel a little violated.)