24 April 2012 @ 09:56 pm
(Forgive me, but really, that line is going down in the annals of television as one of the best Precision F-Strikes of all time, along with my beloved Richard's "I don't fuckin' believe this" and Michael Scott's "I drove my car into a fucking lake!" BRONN )

ONCE UPON A TIME: I KNEW IT!! I knew that wasn't his kid! Because lbr here, when you hire Eion Bailey, you do not cast a brown-(hazel-?)eyed kid as a younger version of him. You do not. That would be some Lily Evans bullshit right there, and I am not here for that. I've been hoping to see a 'transition period' episode of sorts for Rumplestiltskin, to see how he got from zero to twinkly-batshit, so I liked that. And I LOVED him betraying Regina, that was awesome--and he doesn't even know about Belle yet! How insane is he gonna go then?! Died laughing at the "we're so glad you didn't murder Mrs. Nolan" card, heh. And I liked the sweet moment between David & Kathryn (although I still wanna know how far this affair between David & MM went). I love the idea that the Blue Fairy is the most powerful creature around, too. But awww, poor dumb Sidney. I'm glad Emma didn't buy that confession for a second, but I guess Regina can make it seem legit...AND I'M SORRY, but did Emma say that she's going to take Henry from Regina because Regina tried to take someone she loves? Meaning MM? DAMMIT, SHOW. STOP. MAKING. ME. SHIP. THEM. It's just weird. ...Though probably not the worst thing I've ever shipped, tbh. (also moar Red & Hatter, plz)

GAME OF THRONES: WELL, that was fun. I've seen a lot of people saying that that episode was ridiculously dark and full of terrors, and I cannot say I disagree. I think a lot of it is because they made a lot of changes and therefore we didn't expect a lot of that fuckery; I thought the Joffrey scene did make sense in context, but it really went on too long. I'd been wondering if we were supposed to think he was a virgin or if Cersei had pulled an Atia of the Julii and demanded that he "penetrate someone" or whatever, but that...is not how I expected that to go. Cripes. I think it's important to show that he's a genuine sadistic threat on his own, he's not just a whiny boy king who does whatever his mother says, but still, that was disturbing as balls, just the way the girls started out all cheeky and flirty and then just grew more horrified. Gah. And of course Sansa broke my heart; loved the moments with Tyrion, since I'm still kinda pulling for them to be friends/legit allies and you can still he's starting to respect her. I did rather like the change with Jeyne ("Talisa," whatever) being a badass battlefield nurse, and especially being on the opposite side of Robb; I always thought [Spoiler (click to open)]their relationship was kinda underdeveloped in the books, especially given the ramifications it has, and they're really gonna need to establish their love as a real, deep thing if we're gonna understand it and believe it when Robb fucks everything up by breaking his deal with the Freys for her. In the books he's only fourteen or whatever, but he comes off much more adult here, so they're gonna have to sell it all the more.. And also, the Chaplins are flawless, obviously. So that I did like. And of course my sassy peach king was the actual best:

HEE. Oh my god, I love him so, so much. Why can't he and Stannis be friends?! Renly can be snarky and Stannis can correct everyone's grammar (I literally said "OH, DAMMIT" out loud at the "less/fewer" thing with Davos because that is probably my biggest pet peeve ON. THE. PLANET. and getting it right is a sure way to my heart. Also, boyfriends) and everyone can be happy! Geez! I figured out why I really don't dig Dany's story that much in the books past AGoT: it's pretty much entirely humorless. Easily the most visually stunning, but most of the other POVs at least have some snark or absurdity or something, whereas Dany's just like "my sun-and-stars is dead/I WILL BURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOWN" 24/7. So the whole "Karth/Kwarth" thing had me LOLin', especially since I've been getting that wrong too. >___> And XXD is delightful. AND ARYA/GENDRY. HOLY GOD MY ARYA/GENDRY FEELS like okay when he gets called to be rat-tortured (DDDDDDDDDD8 UNTIL THE END OF TIME) he looks at her just automatically and he was being all stoic and sdfjkdfskldfjskdjk all of my hopes and dreams, you too. ALL OF THEM. And I think Adam said it best when he texted me with "WTF DID SHE JUST GIVE BIRTH TO?!!?" That was WAY more disturbing than I'd been picturing; from the book I thought it was just, like...smoke. CANNOT EVER UNSEE

(next week nooooooooo noooooo why ;______; team highgarden 5ever but at least we get some more hot Jaqen :9)

(AND THAT BOARDWALK PROMO!! *FLAILY HANDS FOREVER* "I'm not finished!" SHE'S NOT FUCKING FINISHED. YASSSSSS. Margaret Schroeder, HBIC of Atlantic City '23! ['23? They're jumping ahead 18 months, right? No me gusta.] I used to genuinely ship her/Nucky, but now that that's been horribly torpedoed I'll settle for watching her pwn his ass and become the fabulous Lady Macbeth that she was always meant to be. Looking forward to it. And Richard!! My love!! He got a new mask! AND THAT TWO SECOND SHOT OF JIMMY SDLKFJKFJKSJKFS WHAT DO I DO WITH ALL THESE FEELS; COME BACK TO ME SHOW)

THE BORGIAS: Did that episode seem extraordinarily long? It did to me. I dunno why. So, wow, we're really just going fucking metal with Lucrezia and Juan, huh? What does it say when Cesare's the least dark sibling this week? He was so sweet trying to protect Lucrezia from seeing Paolo; awww. I totally didn't think Juan would just straight-up admit to killing Paolo, but he just had no fucks to give whatsoever. Wow. And Lucrezia singing to the baby as she waited for the chandelier to fall was creepy as hell, not to mention incredibly cold that she didn't care who got killed, Juan or his lady friend. Dang. Are we supposed to think that Cesare [Spoiler (click to open)]kills Juan eventually out of love for her? Because that'd be inteeeeense. (I like this spoiler tag thing!) LOVED seeing Cesare being all clever and strategic; someone oughta write a book about you or somethin', son. Plaster cannons! Brilliant! And of course he had to get all hot and fondley with Vittoria, too, because he just has chemistry with ALL OF THE PEOPLE EVER. Naturally I loved bossy!Michelotto up on the ramparts and shit, and his knife-throwing skills--o hai, random Noah Taylor, how you doin'. Nitpick: are there no wet nurses in all of Rome? Seriously? Sheesh.

THE BIG C: All I have to say is that Sean/Andrea makes my life forever, as did Cathy's face when she walked in on Sean 'finishing' his phone call. HEH. I liked Susan Sarandon a lot, actually, and I totally called that she wanted another baby, which...feels like a bad idea to me, but that's usually what I have to say about that because I'm not fond of humans and the idea of adding more to the world seems questionable. And Paul's embittered, gravelly-voiced impression of Alec Baldwin made my week, since irrational hatred of Alec Baldwin is totally my bag.

SMASH: Bahahaha, wow, stalker!lesbians and Bollywood? I'll take it! As Entertainment Weekly hilariously pointed out, crazy is better than boring, so why not. Kind of annoyed that Rebecca suddenly had a personality transplant in the Indian restaurant scene, so I'll just tell myself that she's madly in love with Karen and the whole thing will end in an angry hot threesome. Or something. Had NO idea that Raza Jaffrey could sing, and while Dev still bores me I thought that scene was hilariously delightful and I am moderately jealous of Lara Pulver for getting to hit that. (...More jealous of him, tho, lbr.) I just assumed that was supposed to be ridiculous, with Derek serving Ivy grapes and Ellis stealing that necklace, so I accept it even though it made...no narrative sense at all. The latest Houston family drama was exasperating, but worth it for Tom's adorable concern over Heinous Leo (and subsequently, Sam's) and Julia's hilarious Anastasia Beaverhausen 'disguise' outside the high school. HEH. DO NOT like Ivy scheming with Ellis; I hate that she's gotten that petty, despite the fact that she should clearly have the role. "Secondhand White Baby Grand" was awesome, though, as was "Run" (fun fact: that is totally the anthem of pretty much all my OTPs. Because I angst). And once again, Eileen/Nick is the only pairing I care about (eeee!), though I rather enjoyed the Derek/Rebecca sexual tension, mostly because of his scathing pronunciation of "smooooothies" and the "Chip?" "...No" moment in the elevator. Heh. I agree with the internet theory that Rebecca's peanut allergy is going to come back in some dramatic fashion--well, why not. And noooo, not more Michael Swift! He's the worst! He's the plain-flavored Goldfish of people!

Come on! That's funny! He's dressed like Aladdin!

GLEE: Oh, dear. Well, the harmonized a cappella "How Will I Know" sounded beyond awesome, though I just...wish they hadn't hammered the This Is A Whitney Tribute Episode thing so hard. And I did enjoy the "Pezberry," because they sound legit fab together and they actually acknowledged that it was weird to become friends at the last minutes, but just went with it anyway. However...Chandler? A random hipster whose entire point is to fawn over Kurt and tell him how amazing he is in a decidedly stalkerish fashion? My jaw actually dropped when he complained that Blaine hadn't "told [him] how special [he] was" lately. REALLY?? Are we just abandoning all pretense and admitting that this is The St. Kurt Show? Good Lord A'mighty. And oh my god, Darren, no more saying lyrics out loud. PLEASE. I cringed so hard at "it's not right...but it's okay." Honey, that's why everyone makes fun of you. He did look good in that black suit, though. Klaine just needs to stop being so...intense and srs bzness all the time. The Burt scene was sweet, at least; they're great together. I won't even bother with the hilarious out-of-nowhere creepiness that is Quinn/Joe (BONER? REALLY?), I'm just gonna be happy with the Hummelberry moments and Puck being cute ("broments"! How do I not say that already?!) and the sweet friendship stuff in the final number, since I am all about the friendships. I will also try to ignore Will being the world's only groomzilla and ignoring everything Emma said and wanted for the wedding, because at least he's consistent in his rampant douchebaggery. But...who exactly is graduating? Everyone except Blaine? Are Rory and Sugar and those other unimportant people juniors too? Are they singing "Graduation (Friends Forever)", or is that too on-the-nose? Is Will still teaching history? Will we ever see Wade again? SO MANY QUESTIONS!

Allllmost done catching up on "Person of Interest." (OMG. The baby ep. d y i n g forever) And Titus Fucking Pullo is joining "Dexter"! I'm both worried about and very excited for next season; the whole incesty thing seems like a disaster in the making, but the last ten seconds of that finale were AMAZING and I think that could go somewhere really fun if they don't wuss out. And I love Ray Stevenson in general, so I'm excited.

Going to a screening of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel on Thursday, complete with tea-tasting beforehand. AND I DON'T THINK I NEED TO EXPLAIN WHAT SATURDAY IS. ASSEMBLE FASTER.

EDIT: OH AND I FORGOT, re: SPN--REALLY?! YOUR MURDEROUS PENIS STRIKES AGAIN, SAM. Man, I was positively delighted to hear that Annie had had the good sense to virtually make Wincest canon and get with both boys (and Bobby!), and then BOOM. Dead two seconds after we meet her. I just...gdi, show. Life and also choices. But aww, Bobby.
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